LOVE

I think in this world and in our culture we love to 'love'! We talk about it, fantasize about it, sing about it, write about it. Most people speak of falling in love, or feeling love.
True Love has nothing to do with a feeling...


^{1 Corinthians 13 4} Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶ it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

 ⁸ Love never ends.

So then, if as Christians, this is our definition of love,
and love NEVER ENDS why is there so much divorce in our marriages?
If love is NOT RUDE or ARROGANT why is there gossiping and judgement inside our church doors?
If love BEARS ALL THINGS why is there poverty right outside our church doors, lonely widows, millions of orphans in our cities and our world?

LOVE IS A CHOICE, that a lot of us are incapable of making.
4 years ago, it was a choice I was unable to make for myself.
And it is because I was BROKEN!
I left my husband for someone else, because I couldn't accept that my husband really loved me. What I experienced growing up is that men leave. And that I was unloveable. If I couldn't even get my own father to love me, or a stepfather to love me, then I must be unloveable. That is the story that Satan told me over and over from the time I was 5 years old.

But God had a different story to tell! Through my husband never giving up on me, I experienced the unconditional love of Christ for the first time in my life! He never stopped loving me. Even though I ran, he stayed put, and begged me to come home. He was my Hosea. Through great counseling, and the spiritual disciplines I began to see that not only did my husband truly love me, but more importantly God loved me. And there was nothing I could do to change that love. No matter how ugly my sin was He NEVER loved me less! A deep understanding and acceptance of that TRUTH rocked my world!
God redeemed our marriage, and my life! We began an adventure of healing that has forever changed us! Glory to God!

 Photos from our vow renewal ceremony 4 years ago.

Today we can both say we are grateful for ALL of it! It brought us to where we are today.
I share this story with you because God has given me a desire to see others come to healing.

^{Isaiah 61 1} The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
   because the LORD has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
   he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
   and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
² to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor,
   and the day of vengeance of our God;
   to comfort all who mourn;
³ to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
   to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
   the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
   the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified.
⁴ They shall build up the ancient ruins;
   they shall raise up the former devastations;
they shall repair the ruined cities,
   the devastations of many generations.

We cannot look different than the rest of the world if we are just as broken.
That is not the life God intended us to live.
The church is where healing should begin. We have got to emphasize having our spirits formed into the likeness of Christ. It is the ONLY way that we can participate in the Great Commission.
God is all about our healing! That is what restoration is! It is what God wants for us! It is a life long journey, but as we participate with Him, we are changed from glory to glory, and we have something to offer others.
Prayer, meditation, reading scripture, silence, solitude, fasting, these are the paths that lead to healing.  Sometimes GOOD Christian counseling is necessary as well, as it was for me.
God is wooing you. He is begging you to spend time with Him. We just don't allow ourselves to be still or silent long enough to hear Him.

This transformation was the catalyst to the adoption of our daughter. But in our brokenness we NEVER would have said YES to adopting a child who was HIV+.
And we would have missed out on all of her amazingness!
When God has radically renovated your soul, the ONLY response can be a radical life!

Funny thing- I can't tell you how much MORE healing has come my way through loving a little girl who most considered 'unloveable'!

There will never be open homes and hearts for orphans, or widows, or the poor, the unlovely or 'unloveable', until we begin to participate with the Spirit in our own healing.

Let's do the work, so we can be 'sent' to bind, proclaim liberty, and open prison doors, that HE MAY BE GLORIFIED!

Common Sense vs Kingdom Sense

God has been wrecking my heart lately.
In the adoption community I have recently seen some painful things happening.
My heart is breaking!
I know that God is using these circumstances to stir something in my heart, to make me take a long hard look at myself.

Why as Christians do we believe our lives are supposed to be easy?
Why do we think that we 'deserve' an easy road to walk? Where did this belief come from?
It DID NOT come from the Bible. Everything I read in the Bible says this life is not my home.
I am supposed to be uncomfortable here.
I am supposed to crucify my fleshly desires, and die to my self, and carry my cross.
Look at Jesus first followers. (Some are well known facts- some are popular traditions.)

James- put to death by sword
Peter- crucified, upside down
Matthew- arrested in Ethiopia, nailed to the ground with spears and beheaded
John- boiled in oil and lived
Bartholomew- whipped to death
Andrew- crucified
Thomas- stabbed to death in India
Matthias- stoned to death then beheaded
Paul- tortured then beheaded by Emperor Nero in Rome
Simon- crucified
Philip- crucified

So if these are the fathers of my faith, why do I want my life to be so comfortable and easy?
These men lived with Jesus, and look what He turned them in to!
They lived dangerous lives.
They had NO regard for their own comfort or safety.
They obeyed God with total abandon.
They knew what they were gaining by doing it too! They were gaining EVERYTHING!
Not just in the life to come, but in this life too!
They taught that their suffering brought joy.
The Bible that I read says I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength!
Do I believe that? I want to. But how would I know if I am only willing to do the things that I am confident I can handle on my own?
Do I truly believe in joy in suffering?
During our first adoption process Bart and I had long discussions about what we thought we could handle. About what we thought was 'fair' to our biological children.
We didn't want anyone or anything to be overly 'disrupted' by this adoption.
Looking back I think that is CRAZY!
That is selfish, worldly thinking.
That might be 'common sense' but it is NOT 'Kingdom sense'!
I don't think I want to have common sense anymore. I want Kingdom sense!
We did open our hearts to more than we thought we could handle. And Thank God we did!
It's funny because the things we thought were going to be hard have not even been an issue. The struggles are happening in completely different ways than we could have ever planned for!
I want to always keep my mind open to what God wants for me and my family- not what I think I can handle.
I think what we forget is the beauty in this life is in the process.
It is in the daily grind of life. It is as we wrestle in relationships in our marriages, and our families, and with our neighbors.
These are the moments when we either choose to work with God and His Spirit to be formed into the likeness of Christ, or when we turn our backs on Him and try to do it on our own.
I want a relationship with Jesus that can only happen when I have to rely fully on Him, just to make it through a day.
And as we obey Him, and we do choose to do the hard thing, He will turn what we saw as ashes into something beautiful.
He doesn't expect us to be perfect. He just wants us to be available, and willing to obey.

If we believe that God works ALL things for the GOOD of those who love Him, then we should trust Him to take care of everything! We either believe Him or we don't!

Being a follower of Christ is NOT about being 'safe'.

Adoption is NEVER safe or easy no matter what age or special need you adopt. Adoption is HARD!

Adoption is redemption. And Redemption is messy, and exhausting, and difficult, and costly.

My redemption cost Jesus EVERYTHING!

I am afraid of what God is doing inside of me! He is messing me up!
I'm quite certain He has something up His sleeve. ;)

4 Months Home & A Birthday!

 She's been home for 4 months now!

I know! I can't believe it either! ;)

She is amazing! Her personality fills the room. She is confident and strong. She is fun and funny. 

She has a joy that is contagious. 

Sometimes I forget she's only been here 4 months!

And...

 We celebrate a big birthday! 

 Autumn is 13!

 Autumn is a beautiful young lady, inside and out! 

She is confident in her identity in Christ. She is has a servants heart. 

She is immeasurably helpful to me! She loves her family.

She has an incredible heart for the poor and the orphans.

I am so excited to see how God is going to continue to use her life to glorify Himself!

You are an amazing young woman Autumn!

I love you!

Disclosure

dis·close

   [dih-sklohz] verb, -closed, -clos·ing, noun

verb (used with object)

1.

to make known; reveal or uncover: to disclose a secret.

2.

to cause to appear; allow to be seen; lay open to view: Inspring the violets disclose their fragrant petals.

Disclosure is a very personal decision. We prayed and sought God, and other wise counsel before making our decision. We do not believe that disclosure is the right answer for every family. 

Unfortunately there are people, specifically in the Church, that believe that disclosing HIV status is an act of selfishness, as if those who choose this path are trying to make themselves out to be martyrs. Would people say that about someone who disclosed Cancer, or Diabetes, or ADD or Autism?
What special needs are OK to talk about, and which ones are unacceptable? And why?
Why is HIV in a different category?
It is in a different category because of ignorance and shame.

This is very disheartening.  I believe it is our job, as the Church, to be the LIGHT to the world, to allow ourselves to be seen, to reveal or uncover darkness and discrimination.

I can't imagine Jesus telling me to cover up or lie about my child's condition because of other peoples ignorance or cruelty.
I don't remember Jesus or the Apostles telling His followers to cover up or lie so that they wouldn't have to deal with peoples cruelty or trials. In fact when I read the Bible I read just the opposite. (James 1:2)

Is this the easiest road to take? Definitely not! Am I putting my child at risk of being ridiculed or ostracized- probably. But all of my children are at risk of that because their lives look a lot different than the rest of the world! Being adopted can also set our daughter up for ridicule, and so can having a different color of skin, but I can't protect her from that. Should we have decided not to adopt an African child because she might be ridiculed? Was she better off living in an orphanage without a family? I'm sure some people think so, but not us! Not the Church!

We, as the Bride of Christ have already failed the HIV/AIDS community. We shamed them into hiding, labeling their disease as a punishment for their 'sin'. In our ignorance and fear we turned them into the 'lepers' of our generation. And guess what? If Jesus were here today who would He be hanging with? And so if my life is supposed to look like His, than do I really have another choice?
It is our job to be the ones to turn this around. To stand up for the HIV/AIDS community and say we love you! We love you with the love of Christ.
Because we have decided to be honest with our daughter and her condition, and have decided to educate others around us instead of hiding in shame I have had some amazing opportunities to spread TRUTH and LIGHT.
A few weeks ago I had a mother of one of my sons friends call me. Her son wanted to come over to our house and play. She knew about our adoption and knew that our daughter was HIV+. She wanted to know what that meant for her son, if he were to come over and play in our home. She was very gracious and was a little embarrassed about her lack of knowledge. I was SO thankful that she called. I was able to answer all of her questions and ease her fears. I was able to direct her to more information if she wanted to read further. I hung up the phone and just bawled and thanked God for that opportunity! Her son and mine have become great friends, and she is in love with our daughter! She appreciated how open and honest we were, allowing her to ask the questions.
Yesterday I received another phone call from a family member who lives in another state. One of his coworkers had found out earlier this week that her son is HIV+. He called me so that I could talk to her and answer her questions. She was devastated. She thought her son was going to die. I was able to share with her the facts. She was so grateful. I was able to encourage her, and now she can encourage her son.

I would not have had either of these conversations if we had chosen a different route.
I am fully aware that there will be days where this might feel more like a burden than freedom, but that is when I will give it to God, because it is His to carry, not mine.

As Christians, can't we just support each other in the ways that we hear and respond to the call of God in our lives? 


1 Corinthians 10:29-33
For why should my liberty be determined by someone else’s conscience? ³⁰If I partake with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of that for which I give thanks?
 ³¹So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.³² Give no offense to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God, ³³just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved.

If you have had the privilege of meeting my daughter you would know that she is a little world changer.

You can see it in her eyes.

She is something special.

She is such a gift to our family. 

8 Weeks Home

Our sweet B has been home for 8 weeks!

I cannot believe it. It has gone by so fast, but at the same time it feels as though she has always been a part of our family.

She is such a Boulton. Every night as I sit by her bed and hold her hand till she falls asleep I thank God for blessing our family. I thank Him for remembering her, and never leaving or forsaking her. I thank Him for allowing me to be her mommy. 

It is hard too.

I used to have 6 hours a day to keep up my house, fix dinner, run errands, and to spend with God.

Now I am lucky to get 6 minutes.

I have a 4 year old who barely speaks English watching me use the restroom, telling me 'Good job Mommy'! ( I have since begun to lock her out)

But I wouldn't change a thing!

Because even though I don't have quiet time to meditate with Him, I see Him in her.

I see Him in all of my children. I don't talk with Him less, in fact quite the opposite, sometimes I can't go 15 seconds without begging for His help! :)

And there He is!

Giving me peace, and patience. Helping me to react in kindness when I don't really feel it.

In the midst of our loud home, He is our calm.

I see His healing hand covering her. She is becoming more comfortable, and feeling more safe.

In the car she sings 'I am not forgotten, God knows my name'

It brings tears to my eyes almost every time!

Yes Batri- He does know your name.

It is written on the palm of His hand!

Family Photo Shoot!

Sposto Photography

Helping Hands

My sweet friend Tammy Stonebrook is adopting 2 littles from Uganda. Their process is moving rapidly and they need to raise funds quick! Please go to her blog and donate.
Thanks!