God has been wrecking my heart lately.
In the adoption community I have recently seen some painful things happening.
My heart is breaking!
I know that God is using these circumstances to stir something in my heart, to make me take a long hard look at myself.
Why as Christians do we believe our lives are supposed to be easy?
Why do we think that we 'deserve' an easy road to walk? Where did this belief come from?
It DID NOT come from the Bible. Everything I read in the Bible says this life is not my home.
I am supposed to be uncomfortable here.
I am supposed to crucify my fleshly desires, and die to my self, and carry my cross.
Look at Jesus first followers. (Some are well known facts- some are popular traditions.)
James- put to death by sword
Peter- crucified, upside down
Matthew- arrested in Ethiopia, nailed to the ground with spears and beheaded
John- boiled in oil and lived
Bartholomew- whipped to death
Andrew- crucified
Thomas- stabbed to death in India
Matthias- stoned to death then beheaded
Paul- tortured then beheaded by Emperor Nero in Rome
Simon- crucified
Philip- crucified
So if these are the fathers of my faith, why do I want my life to be so comfortable and easy?
These men lived with Jesus, and look what He turned them in to!
They lived dangerous lives.
They had NO regard for their own comfort or safety.
They obeyed God with total abandon.
They knew what they were gaining by doing it too! They were gaining EVERYTHING!
Not just in the life to come, but in this life too!
They taught that their suffering brought joy.
The Bible that I read says I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength!
Do I believe that? I want to. But how would I know if I am only willing to do the things that I am confident I can handle on my own?
Do I truly believe in joy in suffering?
During our first adoption process Bart and I had long discussions about what we thought we could handle. About what we thought was 'fair' to our biological children.
We didn't want anyone or anything to be overly 'disrupted' by this adoption.
Looking back I think that is CRAZY!
That is selfish, worldly thinking.
That might be 'common sense' but it is NOT 'Kingdom sense'!
I don't think I want to have common sense anymore. I want Kingdom sense!
We did open our hearts to more than we thought we could handle. And Thank God we did!
It's funny because the things we thought were going to be hard have not even been an issue. The struggles are happening in completely different ways than we could have ever planned for!
I want to always keep my mind open to what God wants for me and my family- not what I think I can handle.
I think what we forget is the beauty in this life is in the process.
It is in the daily grind of life. It is as we wrestle in relationships in our marriages, and our families, and with our neighbors.
These are the moments when we either choose to work with God and His Spirit to be formed into the likeness of Christ, or when we turn our backs on Him and try to do it on our own.
I want a relationship with Jesus that can only happen when I have to rely fully on Him, just to make it through a day.
And as we obey Him, and we do choose to do the hard thing, He will turn what we saw as ashes into something beautiful.
He doesn't expect us to be perfect. He just wants us to be available, and willing to obey.
I am afraid of what God is doing inside of me! He is messing me up!
I'm quite certain He has something up His sleeve. ;)
In the adoption community I have recently seen some painful things happening.
My heart is breaking!
I know that God is using these circumstances to stir something in my heart, to make me take a long hard look at myself.
Why as Christians do we believe our lives are supposed to be easy?
Why do we think that we 'deserve' an easy road to walk? Where did this belief come from?
It DID NOT come from the Bible. Everything I read in the Bible says this life is not my home.
I am supposed to be uncomfortable here.
I am supposed to crucify my fleshly desires, and die to my self, and carry my cross.
Look at Jesus first followers. (Some are well known facts- some are popular traditions.)
James- put to death by sword
Peter- crucified, upside down
Matthew- arrested in Ethiopia, nailed to the ground with spears and beheaded
John- boiled in oil and lived
Bartholomew- whipped to death
Andrew- crucified
Thomas- stabbed to death in India
Matthias- stoned to death then beheaded
Paul- tortured then beheaded by Emperor Nero in Rome
Simon- crucified
Philip- crucified
So if these are the fathers of my faith, why do I want my life to be so comfortable and easy?
These men lived with Jesus, and look what He turned them in to!
They lived dangerous lives.
They had NO regard for their own comfort or safety.
They obeyed God with total abandon.
They knew what they were gaining by doing it too! They were gaining EVERYTHING!
Not just in the life to come, but in this life too!
They taught that their suffering brought joy.
The Bible that I read says I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength!
Do I believe that? I want to. But how would I know if I am only willing to do the things that I am confident I can handle on my own?
Do I truly believe in joy in suffering?
During our first adoption process Bart and I had long discussions about what we thought we could handle. About what we thought was 'fair' to our biological children.
We didn't want anyone or anything to be overly 'disrupted' by this adoption.
Looking back I think that is CRAZY!
That is selfish, worldly thinking.
That might be 'common sense' but it is NOT 'Kingdom sense'!
I don't think I want to have common sense anymore. I want Kingdom sense!
We did open our hearts to more than we thought we could handle. And Thank God we did!
It's funny because the things we thought were going to be hard have not even been an issue. The struggles are happening in completely different ways than we could have ever planned for!
I want to always keep my mind open to what God wants for me and my family- not what I think I can handle.
I think what we forget is the beauty in this life is in the process.
It is in the daily grind of life. It is as we wrestle in relationships in our marriages, and our families, and with our neighbors.
These are the moments when we either choose to work with God and His Spirit to be formed into the likeness of Christ, or when we turn our backs on Him and try to do it on our own.
I want a relationship with Jesus that can only happen when I have to rely fully on Him, just to make it through a day.
And as we obey Him, and we do choose to do the hard thing, He will turn what we saw as ashes into something beautiful.
He doesn't expect us to be perfect. He just wants us to be available, and willing to obey.
If we believe that God works ALL things for the GOOD of those who love Him, then we should trust Him to take care of everything! We either believe Him or we don't!
Being a follower of Christ is NOT about being 'safe'.
Adoption is NEVER safe or easy no matter what age or special need you adopt. Adoption is HARD!
Adoption is redemption. And Redemption is messy, and exhausting, and difficult, and costly.
My redemption cost Jesus EVERYTHING!
I am afraid of what God is doing inside of me! He is messing me up!
I'm quite certain He has something up His sleeve. ;)
6 comments:
I needed to hear this today. Thank you for posting what was on your heart.
amen. so true. so true. thank you for speaking this truth into my life today!
Praise God. Wreck me for Your glory.
The sentiment in this post is precisely what David and I needed to read today. I would love to catch up via email (when you have time) as so much has happened since we met you all in Ethiopia. My email address is susanparrish@mac.com. I hope to hear from you soon.
AMEN!!!!!
Amen! I could have written those thoughts myself (although not nearly as elequently!)...as my heart is being wrecked too as we step out into our second adoption. We have TWO adoptions going at the same time, one foster adopt and one Int. adoption ...and I have to trust/ lean/ and rely on Jesus every day just to breathe. Everyone around us thinks we are CRAZY! The world keeps asking us "WHY?!" "Why would you buy a 12 passenger van?", "Why would you want 5 kids?" "Is that fair to your 'own' kids?", etc. etc. It starts to wear a person down...but we aren't accountable to the logic of this world. We are of a different Kingdom and we serve the risen King! Thankyou for the reminder.
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